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I met the man of my dreams and had the opportunity to fulfill my dream of having children. I always wanted to have a family, but just had to find the right partner. My husband felt the same way - absolutely. We had a strong relationship/marriage, great family support, good financial base and all the interest in the world in having a family together, so we began trying.
Fulfilling our dream of having a family was a long road with lots of questions, uncertainty, and requiring overwhelming patience! By the time I was 35, we had been trying for six months without results. Fortunately, a friend of mine strongly recommended getting my FSH tested because I was over 35. It turned out that my FSH was on the high side.
Once I got connected with PFC (I urged my OB/GYN for a referral), Dr. Ryan confirmed my elevated FSH levels and discovered that I also had uterine polyps. My OB/GYN did my first out-patient surgery but unfortunately there was still one polyp remaining after the initial surgery. Dr. Ryan did a hysteroscopy and removed the last polyp.
We first did two rounds of IUI without success. We moved on to IVF- the ‘two-fer” deal. We harvested lots of eggs, but transfers did not result in pregnancies. We looked carefully at adoption, but didn’t’ like the long time frame and lack of choices. We decided to move on to the egg donor route. We liked the fact that with an egg donor, we were able to choose our donor. In addition, the time involved and the expenses were less than adoption - a lot less. I also really wanted the experience of being pregnant and giving birth to my husband’s (his DNA) baby.
We selected a donor and did two rounds. We did everything in two’s. We realized this peculiarity afterwards. Oddly enough, we now have two kids!
Our first donor didn’t respond well to the medications and no good eggs developed. Our second donor worked like a charm. Lots of eggs were harvested (23, I think) and lots of great quality embryos developed. We put two in and froze 11. I became pregnant with my daughter!
Two years later – EXACTLY (we realized this on the embryo transfer date. It hadn’t occurred to us before that!) – we did our last transfer of previously frozen embryos. We had already unsuccessfully transferred the other 9 embryos. Then, there was that magical number two again; I got pregnant with our son! He is now 6 months old!
Looking back, lets’ just say I’m VERY, VERY HAPPY to not be the patient any more – but to be a mom!! The whole process was very tiring and very emotional. I felt like a frequent flier for a while, but the nurses were calm, kind and very genuine with me. Dr. Ryan, Olga, Anne and several of the other nurses made such a difference. They were so sweet and friendly.
The best part of the whole experience was growing closer to my husband. We learned to be parents while working to become parents, working together, surviving sleepless nights, working through the stress and worry about our (unborn) babies, and going through the process of making group decisions.
The most difficult elements of this whole experience were the feeling that I was participating in an endurance event that just didn’t’ seem to end, the loss of control, and finally the loss of privacy when your very private matters are placed under the scrutiny of the MDs. It seemed like a laboratory experience of a very loving part of life.
Here’s my advice to others trying to conceive:
1. If you are considering using an egg donor, talk to others who’ve been through it. Ask lots of questions and keep your goal in mind. As my mom used to say, “Sweetheart, it doesn’t’ matter how your baby gets here, we won’t be thinking about that 18 years from now when your child heads off to Harvard for college!! “
2. Don’t waste time. Remember that regardless of how wonderful your MD or nurses are, YOU are your own case manager. There were several points in our process in which if I had not been on it, asking questions, driving the schedule etc., there would have been more delays. Everything works in one-month increments due to menstrual cycles. It is a frustrating reality that requires lots of patience. I believe this “self – advocate” reality is true with any kind of medical treatment. As good as your doctor may be, they are not you. You have the most to gain or lose by being informed and involved!
3. It can get intense, so getting away by taking trips helped us feel NORMAL!
4. Humor and just marching on with normal life were so helpful to us. We still had dinner parties, rode our bikes, talked with our families and had a very normal attitude about all this. We never forgot that we were living through this. This was our life. The journey was the destination. Sometimes it was hard to maintain this perspective, but when we did, boy, did it lighten the load. J.L., Mill Valley, CA
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