Beyond Our Wildest Dreams

Our 7 year old daughter sneers when we joke about why she is a fanatic about ice cream: "Because you were a frozen embryo for 9 months." To our 4 year old twin boys, also conceived by ICSI/IVF, we sometimes say, "double trouble - we wanted one more boy, and we got two!" They, along with our adopted Korean son**challenged with unexplained infertility. Emily took for granted that she would some day have children, having put career and studying as a top priority throughout her second decade. But as a pediatrician and geneticist, we too became part of the Bay Area epidemic of infertility as we struggled to start a family. Each day at work Emily became ever-so-more aware of the challenge as she counseled pregnant women about genetic testing. I myself, a psychiatrist, became concerned about the emotional roller coaster, because Emily seemed obsessed with the goal of having a child. Despite the lack of control we felt, now that we have completed our quest to be parents, we are truly appreciative of the expertise, wisdom, and compassion of PFC doctors and staff. We feel blessed by what we have learned:**

1. We never take our children for granted;
2. Each child, no matter how he/she came into the family, is loved equally for the joy each one brings - adoption is just as much of a gift as a pregnancy;
3. There are some advantages to raising twins;
4. Our lives are enriched from the relationships we formed with health care providers and friends;
5. Life is precious - we more deeply cherish our own lives and value friendships, hobbies, nature, family time;
6. We have more sensitivity towards others who have similar struggles.

We are also compelled to share what we learned:1. Don’t hesitate to ask questions or seek multiple consultations;

2. It is useful to record all notes in a journal to help think of questions, and to feel more knowledgeable and in control;
3. Take advantage of scientific journals on infertility, RESOLVE and their resources;
4. Start therapy and counseling if needed;
5. Use the internet to research and read the many available books, but also keep in mind that some information is not substantiated by good, sound data;
6. The field of infertility advances quickly, and given new choices - there is always hope;

7. Look into other options, even though at times it may seem there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Adoption does not have to be a last resort;

   Don't forget, after the challenge of infertility, there is perhaps an even greater challenge - parenting!!!! -- John and Emily, San Francisco

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