Meeting Your Donor

Posted on August 26, 2004 by Inception Fertility

Each couple must grapple with the decision about whether or not to meet their donor. For some it is a simple decision; for others it may be a longer process. There is no correct answer to the question of whether or not to meet her. Some recipients feel concerned that by meeting the donor they will be giving up their anonymity or signing on for a long-term relationship with the donor. While it is true that the donor may then be able to identify you in public, there is no identifying information shared, no last names, addresses, college names, etc. And during each meeting we discuss how the recipients would like to handle an unexpected encounter. Most importantly, there is no expectation of an ongoing relationship with the donor! Some couples feel complete satisfaction with no face-to-face contact with the donor; for them, not meeting is the best choice. For those of you considering it, here are some concrete reasons you might want to go forward:

  • It will reassure you that your donor is as wonderful as you had hoped;
  • It will reassure you that the donor is completely clear that YOU are the parents;
  • It will offer you the opportunity to ask questions that weren't answered on the bio: what kind of baby she was, what are her family members like, etc.;
  • You will be able to say an "in person" Thank You to your donor;
  • This is the time for a picture with your donor;
  • You can discuss how the donor feels about your child contacting her when your child is grown;
  • You will be able to tell your child that you met the donor.

    At PFC, it has been our experience that the donors love the meetings. It personalizes the experience for them. Instead of a faceless recipient or couple, the donor is working for you, making an already positive experience more special. The meetings can be enlightening, awkward, touching or funny. What they all share is that they are memorable!

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